Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Internets explosion!

Kimanh responded to the announcement of the revival of this blog with special news. Apparently, I now account for 3 links in her journals folder, a new record. As a reward for my achievement, Kimanh presented me with this photo. Seeing that would basically haunt my dreams forever. I would be reduced to a teary mess, rocking back and forth, clutching myself, muttering, barely audibly: "overgrown bamboo-eating raccoon-looking motherfuckers."

Tragic, really.

Speaking of ways that the Chinese are apparently trying to destroy us, it turns out that one plate of stir-fried Chinese vegetables has 900 calories and 2,200 mg of sodium (link credit: Tina). But no MSG, folks! That's the important part! Whatever...I never believed that any dish of Chinese take-out could possibly be good for me. If anything, this article provided good news: pan-fried dumplings have only 10 more calories per dumpling than their steamed counterparts. Now I can order my fried dumplings guilt-free (except for the 560 calories)!

And even more good news for you food lovers out there: turns out Proctor & Gamble is not, in fact, in league with Satan (link credit: Andrew). But I'm watching you, Frito-Lay...something about Chester Cheetah has always struck me as pretty evil.

But you know who has obviously struck some kind of deal with the Dark Lord? Mojo Myles, who, at the age of 11, is now better at music than I ever will be at anything. Ever. At all. I hate talented people. And his name is Mojo! Clearly Satanic:

Oh look, now I've gone and depressed myself. Better turn to Facebook for comfort...

And even if that doesn't work, I've got 10 days ahead in London and Morocco to make myself feel better. Do you know what happens when I go to London? This is what happens: I put shots of liquor in my mouth and I light them on fire. Oh dear god the English kids are going to kill me...but they do have such pleasant accents... If I have to go, this is the way to do it. In a face-melting Sambuca fireball explosion, surrounded by people yelling, "Bollocks!"

1 comment:

AEstes said...

You know, MSG has been given a bad rap. I love the stuff. My family has been putting it in recipes for as long as I can remember. It is a wonderful flavor-enhancer. But, people are lame and/or stupid (I say and. Always "and.") So now, you can only buy it in bulk. That is why I have a pound of MSG in my cupboard.